Random 3am Thoughts

Hi :)!

So it’s been almost three weeks since my last post. In that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and opening up to those close to me.

First off I’d like to share that I finally got my SSRI dosage lowered! Although I’m pretty far from going off them completely, this little milestone meant a lot to me. It reminded me of how much I’ve grown and overcome.

Secondly, I’ve started telling a few of my close friends about my blog. I swear I sweated (is that a word??) about 10 buckets just typing up the text for them to come check it out but in the end they were more supportive than I could’ve hoped for.

I know that for me especially, one really debilitating thing I do is over analyze and worry about everything. Even when everything points to the exact opposite of what I worry about. Because of that I need a lot of reassurance. Sometimes I wonder why my friends and loved ones aren’t tired of me yet but mostly I’m grateful that they understand or at least try to understand what I going through and feeling.

I’m currently sitting in the dark at about 3am writing up this post. I’m not really sure what I want to talk about but I would love to hear people’s opinions and experiences about whatever I think of saying.

What are your coping mechanisms? I like hearing about what others do because sometimes it gives me ideas of new things to try for myself. For example, my friend told me about crocheting and now it’s something I do everyday as a way to relax and get my mind off things and I absolutely love it.

Is anyone else on meds or thinking about it? To be honest, from talking to a few people I know who are going to therapy and dealing with their own mental health issues, I’m the only one I know taking meds. Sometimes I hate that I am because it feels like I’m somehow weaker than everyone I know who can just deal with it through therapy. I feel weak and worthless because I need therapy and meds to help me cope.

Logically I know that my type of depression stems from my brain not producing enough serotonin on its own and therefore I do needs meds. But unfortunately, as much as I know and love logic, sometimes my brain just refuses to acknowledge it.

I realize that this has been a really random culmination of thoughts. I couldn’t sleep and realized I hadn’t written in a while so I thought I would.

I’d just like to end by saying thank you. To whoever actually reads this. To the couple of you who emailed me asking for advice. I was never one who shared my deepest feelings. Everything I shared with others was surface level for the most part, even with my closest friends and family. So by doing this and seeing it actually help some people makes the anxiety and fear of writing all my deepest darkest thoughts down bearable.

Yuck I sound like a hallmark movie lol. But it is true so thank you. Anyways. I think that’s enough random babbles from me tonight.

With lots of love,

Your Mental Health Mathie

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